We keep talking about low libido, but what does that even mean? What does it look like? Is there a definition that can clear things up? Yes, and no.
For some people low libido means that they are only having sex 5 times a week but they really want it to be everyday.
For others, they have sex once a month and don’t consider themselves to have low libido.
So how do we make sense of such a subjective experience?
Instead of asking “How much sex is normal?”, ask “How much sex is normal for me?”Instead of asking "How much sex is normal?", ask "How much sex is normal for me?" Click To Tweet
Sexual desire can not only differ from person to person, but within the same person over time. This makes it extremely difficult to pin down what “normal” is.
If you are interested in what the average population is doing, studies have shown that that the average person in a developed country has sex roughly 3 times a month, and will decrease further after the age of 35.
Surprised? I know I was!
Your friends and the media are having you believe that if you aren’t “doing it” every day or at least a few times a week then something is wrong with you.
Definitely not true!
Frequency is what’s easiest to measure, but it’s by far the least important part of sex.Frequency is what's easiest to measure, but it's by far the least important part of sex. Click To Tweet
There is no ideal libido level that you need to strive for. What matters is what feels good for you and whether you want to change it.
So how do you know when there’s a problem?
The most important thing to think about is whether it BOTHERS you. That’s the only thing that matters.
But to give us a little help, The American Psychiatric Association has come up with two different definitions for when your low libido is seriously a problem.
In The American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders 4 (DSM-IV) they define Hyposexual Desire Disorder as a recurrent or persistent decrease or absence of sexual desire that causes marked distress or relationship difficulties over a 6 month period.
But then they acknowledged that women’s sexual response doesn’t necessarily flow in a linear pattern from sexual desire, to arousal, to orgasm.
So The American Psychiatric Association had to update the definition in the next edition, the DSM-V.
Now it’s called Sexual Interest/Arousal Disorder. Which better sums up the real experiences of women.
The Criteria for Sexual Interest/Arousal Disorder are:
Absence or reduced frequency of at least 3 of the following for 6 months:
- Interest in sexual activity
- Sexual thoughts or fantasies
- Initiation of sexual activity or response to partner’s attempts at initiation
- Sexual pleasure or excitement DURING sexual activities
- Sexual interest/arousal by any internal or external erotic cues
- Pleasurable sensations (genital or non-genital) DURING sexual activities
And all of this HAS to cause distress or relationship problems for it to be significant.
As you can see, there is no criteria for the frequency of desire or sex. This allows for the normal variation from woman to woman, and includes not only spontaneous desire, but responsive desire as well.
Yes, you can live with low libido. But do you want to?Yes, you can live with low libido. But do you want to? Click To Tweet
Low libido may be a “first world problem” for some, but for others it can have a significant impact on their relationship, their self-esteem and therefore their lives.
Low libido is not something that you have to live with if you don’t want to. Help is available.
There are so many different things that contribute towards you having a low libido and they are worth looking into.
But where do you even start?
That’s why I created the Libido Assessment, to help you take the first step towards getting your libido back. This quick (and FREE) 4 minute quiz will tell you how your low libido may be affecting your life and what you can do about it today.
All it takes is 4 minutes of your life to start your journey towards a better sex life.
Low libido can differ from person to person, and even within the same person over time.
There is no ideal frequency of sex that you need to strive for. What matters is how you feel about it and what you want.
Sexual frequency may be easy to measure but it doesn’t really mean anything for your sex life. Quality absolutely trumps quantity.
If you are not happy with your sex life, you can do something about it. Start by taking the FREE LIBIDO ASSESSMENT.