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3 Reasons Why I HATE Foreplay

by | 29/01/21 | Improve Pleasure

Hate may be a strong word, but by reading this post I’m sure I can convert you too! Foreplay is an outdated concept that needs to be left in the past where it belongs.

Why do I get so fired up about foreplay?

Because it has very real implications for the pleasure of women. Gone are the days where sex is supposed to be about men and their pleasure. Women deserve to experience all the pleasure, intimacy and connection that they desire, and we’re not going to let the concept of foreplay stand in their way.

You deserve to live in a world where your pleasure is not only celebrated, but prioritised. By doing away with the concept of foreplay, you will change the way you think about sex, and increase your sexual satisfaction exponentially.

Interested yet?

Let’s get into why I hate the concept of foreplay so much.

I hate foreplay, here's why

1. By calling it foreplay, you imply that it’s not part of the main event – i.e. not part of sex.

By calling it foreplay, you imply that it's not part of the main event – i.e. not part of sex. Click To Tweet

I’m sure you’ve opened a bunch of magazines with sex advice telling you how you can improve your foreplay. They tell you how to incorporate fingering, oral sex and anal, etc. in order to get warmed up properly for penetration.

While this may be coming from a good place, and you definitely need to warm up before having any sort of penetration, it completely negates the fact that all of those things should be considered sex too.

Oral sex, anal sex, fingering or manual stimulation, even kissing can be considered sex in some circumstances. Just because it doesn’t include penis-in-vagina penetration, it doesn’t mean that it isn’t real sex. Some of them even have “sex” in the name!

Oral sex, anal sex, fingering or manual stimulation, even kissing can be considered sex in some circumstances. Just because it doesn't include penis-in-vagina penetration, it doesn't mean that it isn't real sex. Some of them even… Click To Tweet

By calling it foreplay, it implies that if the man wants to get penis-in-vagina penetration, he needs to first make his way through a set of defined steps of foreplay. Usually this looks like: Kissing, touching her breasts, touching her vulva/vagina and then going in for the kill within 5 minutes.

I’m sure you’re very familiar with this sexual script and you probably dread the predictability of it!

Then you read statistics like, “the average duration of sex is 5.4 minutes“, and it can be really disheartening! How can it really be that short? Or maybe you’re on the other side of the fence and you’re very familiar with how short sex can really be!

That’s what this study really found: the average duration of sex is 5.4 minutes. But if you look into it, you will see that the study only measured from the point of penetration to the point of ejaculation.

Where does the woman’s pleasure come in??? Is that all that sex is? Definitely not!

By expanding your definition of sex, you can not only increase your pleasure and sexual satisfaction, you prioritise activities that make you feel good.

2. By calling it foreplay, you imply that penis-in-vagina penetration is the best kind of sex.

By calling it foreplay, you imply that penis-in-vagina penetration is the best kind of sex. Click To Tweet

Like you just learned, penis-in-vagina sex isn’t the only type of sex there is. It’s only ONE type of sex. By expanding your definition of sex, you will start to find what YOUR favourite kind of sex is.

Maybe you really like receiving oral sex, or maybe you like it the most when they touch and tease you for a while. Whatever your favourite part of sex is, that’s the best kind of sex FOR YOU. Everyone is different. What feels good to one person may not feel good to another.

Penis-in-vagina penetration isn’t automatically the default best part of sex for everyone, even for men. Men can enjoy all sorts of other activities more than penis-in-vagina sex, and that’s perfectly okay!

Penis-in-vagina penetration isn't automatically the default best part of sex for everyone, even for men. Men can enjoy all sorts of other activities more than penis-in-vagina sex, and that's perfectly okay! Click To Tweet

There’s nothing wrong with you if penis-in-vagina sex does nothing for you!

There's nothing wrong with you if penis-in-vagina sex does nothing for you! Click To Tweet

The vagina doesn’t have many nerve endings inside it, and thank goodness for that, otherwise the pain of childbirth would be 1000x more painful!

So what feels good to you will probably be stimulation of your vulva and clitoris, where there are thousands of sensitive nerve endings. This doesn’t make you abnormal or broken.

75% of women can’t orgasm from penetration alone, and need external clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm. That’s the norm! There’s nothing wrong with you if you can’t orgasm from penetration.

I can’t tell you how long I felt like I was broken and that something was wrong with me because I couldn’t orgasm from penetration. My life changed the moment I found out I wasn’t alone!

I challenge you to sit your partner down and share this with them today!

3. By calling it foreplay, you imply that real sex only happens in heterosexual relationships.

If penis-in-vagina sex is the only real sex, then what about the LGTBI+ community? How do lesbians or gay men have sex? You can even expand on that to include anyone who doesn’t have a penis or vagina at all, for whatever reason.

Or what about paraplegics who have no more sensation on their genitals? How do they have sex?

This outdated definition of sex is exclusive and ostracizes people who have sex differently.

That’s why it’s so important to remember that sex can include whatever you want it to, even masturbation. What matters is that you experience pleasure and have a good time.

In Summary

Foreplay is a problematic concept that restricts your potential for pleasure and sexual satisfaction.

By separating “foreplay activities” and penis-in-vagina penetration, you minimise the importance of your pleasure and focus on the man’s pleasure as the be-all and end-all of sex.

Penis-in-vagina penetration is not the default best kind of sex there is. It’s important to expand your definition of sex and find out what YOUR favourite kind of sex is.

Most women need external stimulation to orgasm, there is nothing wrong with you if you cannot orgasm from penetration alone.

Everyone has sex differently, and that’s a beautiful thing! Find what knocks your socks off and do more of that. You deserve it!

If you enjoyed this post and want to learn more about increasing your pleasure and improving your libido, start by taking your Libido Assessment today.

Here's 3 reasons why I hare foreplay

Share this post with your friends, there’s a good chance that it will help them with their relationships too. Thank you!

Disclaimer: This blog contains my opinions and doesn’t reflect the opinions of the Department of Health of South Africa or The Southern African Sexual Health Association. All information is accurate and true to the best of my knowledge, but it’s possible that there may be omissions, errors or mistakes. While I am a registered medical practitioner, I am not YOUR doctor. The information presented on this blog is for entertainment and/or informational purposes only and shouldn’t be seen as professional medical advice. If you rely on any information presented, it’s at your own risk. Please consult a professional before taking any sort of action.

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