Are you carrying the bulk of the housework on your shoulders? Have you ever considered packing your things and running away so you never have to pick up after another person again? This feeling may be more common than you think! Let me tell you why sharing household chores can lead to more sex, and can even save your relationship!
It’s no surprise that people who are overburdened with housework (or anything else for that matter) are going to avoid sex for a whole list of different reasons.It's no surprise that people who are overburdened with housework (or anything else for that matter) are going to avoid sex for a whole list of different reasons. Click To Tweet
Chores might seem like a trivial matter to some, but until you’re the one drowning in your list of chores to get done before bedtime, you will not understand just how big an impact it can have on your relationship.
Exhausted people don’t want sex
It’s pretty obvious but you need SOME energy in order to have sex. After a long day at work, the last thing you want to do is come home and have to do more work.
You want to wind down, put your feet up and catch up with your partner. Maybe even put on a little Netflix and cuddle on the couch.
But the chores stand in your way. You spend the evening catching up on chores and you’re exhausted by the time you collapse into bed.
By sharing the load of chores, you will not only free up more time for sex, but you will free up more energy have sex.
Stressed people don’t want sex
Stress is your libido’s biggest enemy.Stress is your libido's biggest enemy. Click To Tweet
When you’re stressed about how much housework still needs to be done, you’re probably not going to want to have sex. Of course there are people who turn to sex in times of stress, but for the majority of women, this isn’t the case.
If you do have sex, the stress of worrying about the dishes in the sink or the trash that needs to be taken out can distract you from being in-the-moment and enjoying sex.
By reducing the load on your plate, you will have more mind-space for you to desire sex, and enjoy it.
Resentful people don’t want sex
Over time, being burdened with the majority of the housework will start to cause some serious resentment in your relationship.Over time, being burdened with the majority of the housework will start to cause some serious resentment in your relationship. Click To Tweet
Every time your partner puts their feet up on the couch, while you slave away cleaning the kitchen, it will grow the seed of resentment for your partner until it’s so big that having sex is completely out of the question.
Resentment is the killer of relationships, no matter the cause. You cannot share deep, meaningful intimacy with a person you resent. And you cannot feel sexual desire towards someone you resent.
The solution is to face your problem head-on and deal with whatever it is that is bothering you, before it’s too late.
All is fair in love and choreAll is fair in love and chore. Click To Tweet
(I’m not going to lie, I’m pretty proud of that one!)
When it comes to chores, sometimes the problem isn’t about the quantity of the housework, but the disparity and unfairness.
A study was done in 2017 that found that the “perceived fairness” of chore arrangements is often considered MORE IMPORTANT than the actual quantity of each person’s contribution to the housework.
If you feel like you do everything to keep your household afloat while your partner just cruises along as if you’re their maid, it’s time to make some changes.
Partners who share household chores are more satisfied with their relationshipPartners who share household chores are more satisfied with their relationship. Click To Tweet
Understanding all this, it makes it easy to see why sharing household chores and being equal partners in your relationship can lead to more sex.
If you’re not constantly exhausted, stressed out and resenting your partner, you will have a much happier relationship.
Household chores can also be Acts of Service. If your love language is Acts of Service, when your partner helps out around the house, you’re going to feel loved and appreciated.
You’d probably say, “Oh my goodness, look how cute he is! He wants to make my life easier, he must really care!”.
This will not only make you happy and make you feel loved, it may make you want to show your appreciation by showing more physical affection.
What is choreplay?
Choreplay is when your partner, usually a man, performs housework that is usually seen as the responsibility of the woman. He does this in order to get her in the mood or in exchange for sexual favours.
While there are definitely relationship benefits to dividing the housework, doing chores purely for the sake of getting sex isn’t going to save your relationship. You might say that it’s even manipulative.While there are definitely relationship benefits to dividing the housework, doing chores purely for the sake of getting sex isn't going to save your relationship. You might say that it's even manipulative. Click To Tweet
If you engage in choreplay occasionally for a bit of fun, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that! Some women really do get turned on by their partners doing housework.
How can I start sharing household chores more fairly?
Once again, the number one rule when it comes to relationships: communication, communication, communication. Your partner isn’t a mind reader. They can’t guess what you need. When you need help, ask for it. Be clear and direct.
This doesn’t mean you say, “Can you please just help me with the dishes for once?!”. That’s not going to get you anywhere.
Ask with respect, allow them to understand what doing the dishes actually means to you. Say something like, “Hey, could you help me with the dishes this evening? I’ve got a lot on my plate and that would really help take some pressure off of me”. See the difference?
Start the conversation by both tackling the problem in front of you (the amount of chores), rather than attacking each other for being “the problem”.
Get a chore chart
“But I don’t want to treat them like a child!”. I hear you.
At first it might seem like a stupid idea, maybe even a little juvenile, but hear me out.
By sitting down to create a chore chart together, you show your partner that how they feel matters.
By listing all of the chores out, your partner will finally see all the things you have been doing alone and understand why they need to help you a lot more. Maybe they just didn’t know how much you did.
By prioritising tasks and agreeing who should do what and when, you both have control of how the housework will be managed, rather than you sounding like a drill sergeant. Together you will agree on what is fair and create your chart in a way that works for you as a couple.
With the chart, there’s no need for nagging or trying to remember what to do when. It can also help prevent a lot of arguments!
Fight for domestic equality
Sharing housework is important, not only for your sex life and your relationship, but for society as a whole.
Gender equality begins at home. Men shouldn’t be doing housework so that they can get laid, they should be doing housework because they also live there and it’s the right thing to do.
Yes, sharing the load of housework can do wonders for your relationship, but only if you understand that it’s because you love and respect your partner, not because you might get more sex. The extra sex is just a bonus!