Have you been waiting to feel in the mood for sex and it just never lands up happening? You’ve been waiting for weeks, maybe months, to feel any glimmer of sexual desire but it seems way out of reach. It’s like your body is broken and doesn’t crave sex anymore.
You turn down your partner’s requests for sex every time saying you’re just “not in the mood” and “maybe tomorrow”, but tomorrow never comes. You haven’t had sex in so long you’ve even forgotten what it feels like to experience sexual desire.
I don’t blame you! Life is busy, we always have too much going on. We never stop long enough to feel our feelings, never mind stop to have sex.
Waiting to be in the mood for sex is a terrible plan to keep your sex life alive.
Here’s 3 reasons why you should stop waiting to be in the mood for sex
1. Spontaneous desire isn’t sustainable.Spontaneous desire isn't sustainable. Click To Tweet
In the beginning of your relationship everything was going great, you couldn’t keep your hands off of one another! You couldn’t see each other without taking your clothes off. You had sex all the time without any effort at all.
Your sexual desire for each other was off the charts and you thought it would stay that way forever.
Turns out it didn’t.
After a few years into your relationship, you can go without sex for months at a time.
The problem here? You’re waiting to feel sexual desire spontaneously.
It’s like you’re waiting for this magical moment where your partner will come home from work and you’ll want to rip their clothes off as soon as you see them. I hate to break it to you, but that probably won’t happen.
Spontaneous desire occurs very often in the beginning of relationships during the honeymoon phase, but over time it can decrease, sometimes even disappearing completely. This is completely normal. This doesn’t mean that your relationship is over!
Your spontaneous desire just changes to the another type of sexual desire: responsive desire.
2. Most women experience responsive desire.
Spontaneous desire is exactly what you think it is, you experience sexual desire with little if any stimulation first. Your partner walks past you in the kitchen, they come up behind you and hug you from behind. You feel them against you and suddenly you’re thinking about having sex with them. Almost no effort is involved at all.
Responsive desire works the other way around. You need to get aroused and into the sexy experience first before you experience sexual desire.
For example, you’re cuddling on the couch with your partner, giggling and talking about your day. Your partner puts their hand on your leg while you’re talking and slowly rubs your thigh for a while before making their way higher. Maybe they kiss your neck a little and tell you how beautiful you are. You turn around to kiss them and you start making out like teenagers.
Your partner might ask if you would like to have sex and lead you to the bedroom. You weren’t really thinking about sex before this, but now that they mention it, maybe that could be fun, so you go.
They start slowly taking your clothes off and kissing your body, you start to get aroused. Only then you start to get really into it and experience sexual desire.
Do you see the difference? The stimulation and arousal came before the sexual desire. It felt good so you developed the desire for more.
Do you see how just understanding how responsive desire works can change your sex life?
The trick is to be open to the idea of sex before you feel the sexual desire. All you need to do is make a decision to have sex rather than relying on the feeling of desire to decide whether it happens or not.
By saying yes to sex before you experience desire, you allow yourself the opportunity to get into it and have a really good time.By saying yes to sex before you experience desire, you allow yourself the opportunity to get into it and have a really good time. Click To Tweet
To learn more about improving your libido and having more sex in your long term relationship, start by taking the FREE Libido Assessment right now.
3. Life is too busy to remember to have sex.Life is too busy to remember to have sex. Click To Tweet
In the beginning of you relationship you couldn’t keep your hands off on one another, sex was all you could think about. Maybe you were even late for work a few times because you couldn’t resist getting a quickie in before work.
Fast forward a few years, you probably don’t think about sex much, if at all anymore.
You’re too busy managing work deadlines; stressing about all the things you could’ve done better that day; making dinner; taking care of the house and the kids; and making sure every one else is happy and healthy.
You don’t have any space left in your day (or your mind) to think about sex. If you do think about sex, you probably tell your partner that you’ll get around to it that night before bed. But when bedtime arrives, you’d rather just collapse on your pillow and pass out. And who would blame you?
At this rate, if you keep waiting for the time to have sex, you won’t have sex. Your life is so jam-packed with other responsibilities that your sex life will always take a back seat.
The way to combat this is to make sex a priority and MAKE time for it. If your relationship and your sex life is important to you, you must make time for sex. Time is never going to just fall into your lap.If your relationship and your sex life is important to you, you must make time for sex. Click To Tweet
You make time for things that matter to you, whether that is eating healthy, going to the gym or seeing your sick mother in hospital. Sex is no different.
You can make time for sex by scheduling sexy time or a date night into your calendar. Maybe you send the kids off to their grandparents every Friday night or you make a plan to have sex on Sunday mornings before the day gets started. Find what works for you.
If you don’t make sex with your partner a priority, it will always fall by the wayside.
Sex in the beginning of your relationship is easy and fun, it feels like you don’t need to put any effort into it at all. It just works.
Over time your spontaneous desire decreases and you start to have a more responsive desire type. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this! Most women work this way.
The trick is to understand how your desire works so that you can work with it rather than against it.
By making sex a priority and not relying on spontaneous desire to decide when to have sex or not, you can make a huge difference to your sex life.