Have you ever gone without sex for over 3 months and can’t put your finger on why? You just don’t feel like having sex anymore, and to be honest, your partner has probably given up trying to initiate with you. There could be so many reasons why you don’t have sex anymore, and I’m here to tell you that it can all be boiled down to these 3 reasons.
1. You don’t have sex anymore because you’re waiting to feel “in the mood” for sex
I’m going to let you in on a secret: If you keep waiting to feel “in the mood” for sex, you’re never going to have sex.If you keep waiting to feel "in the mood" for sex, you're never going to have sex. Click To Tweet
“But… how else am I going to have sex?”
By understanding how sexual desire works, you can break the cycle of low libido and start having sex again. To do this, you need to understand that there are two types of sexual desire: spontaneous desire and responsive desire.
Most women have responsive desire. This means that your desire is triggered by sexual stimulation rather than the other way around – waiting to feel the desire before you allow yourself to be stimulated.
Years into a long term relationship, you’re unlikely to feel that sexual desire come along unless you are properly stimulated first.
It’s only after you are in a comfortable environment (both physically and mentally) will you want to connect with your partner physically. Once the stimulation starts and you start to get aroused, then the sexual desire shows up to join the party.
That’s probably how your sexual desire has worked all along, you just didn’t realise it.
The only way to beat this and have more sex, is to start having sex before you feel “in the mood”. The desire will come later, once you’re into it.
To facilitate this, I recommend scheduling sex or a regular sexy date night. It might seem stupid or awkward at first, but it can really make a difference.
2. You don’t have sex anymore because you’ve stopped putting in any effort
“But in the beginning it was so easy! We didn’t even have to try and we were having sex all the time!”.
Like all things in life that matter, it takes effort. Healthy eating, exercise, or vegetable gardening, it all takes effort. We need to stop expecting sex to suddenly be the exception.Like all things in life that matter, it takes effort. Healthy eating, exercise, or vegetable gardening, it all takes effort. We need to stop expecting sex to suddenly be the exception. Click To Tweet
Think back to the beginning of your relationship.
I’m sure you actually put in a lot of effort. You put effort into planning dates, getting ready for the dates, making sure you looked great and felt pumped up before hand. You probably spent hours getting ready, listening to music, making sure your hair and make-up was just right. You probably shaved your whole body in preparation for them to see you naked.
That whole time you were thinking about your partner, anticipating that sex would happen after (or during) the date and you wanted to be ready.
Do you see how much effort you put in now?
Why is it suddenly different because you’ve been together for a long time?
By incorporating more effort, you show your partner that you value your time together.
If you schedule sex or a sexy date night, while getting everything ready, you will probably be thinking about them, about kissing them, and having sex with them. You will get yourself into that sexual frame of mind and build anticipation.
By doing this, you give yourself the sexual stimulation you need to feel sexual desire in the moment.
3. You don’t have sex anymore because your thoughts about sex are all-or-nothing
I’ve talked about this before, but expanding your definition of sex is a very important part of any sexual relationship.
By limiting your definition of sex to penis-in-vagina penetration, you take sex off the table completely when you aren’t in the mood for it.
But what if you didn’t feel like P-in-V sex, but you could enjoy your partner giving you oral sex, or simply masturbating next to each other in bed?
If this was the case, I’d bet you’d be having sex a lot more often! Both you and your partner would get what you need from the experience. You would feel connected sexually even though there was no P-in-V penetration.
The message: Don’t take sex off the table just because you aren’t in the mood for one type of sex. There is a whole buffet of options to pick and choose from.Don't take sex off the table because you aren't in the mood for one type of sex. There is a whole buffet of options to pick and choose from. Click To Tweet
You can make a huge difference to your sex life by simply saying yes to sex before you feel overwhelming sexual desire. Say yes to picking one activity from the buffet of options, you don’t have to choose all of them.
Putting effort into your sex life doesn’t mean that something is wrong or you are missing something as a couple. Everything important in this world requires effort. Sex is no different. You sex life is never going to magically thrive on it’s own.
By making these simple changes, you should be having more sex in no time at all!
If you’re struggling with low libido, your FIRST STEP should be to take the FREE LIBIDIO ASSESSMENT. By taking the assessment, you will start your journey towards having the sex life you’ve always wanted.